Healing Takes Time
It has been a long road to get to where I am today. It started with a whole bunch of challenges in February of 2020 and then snowballed into a pandemic, the passing of my Dad, taking care of my Mom, my teenage son, and my husband, and all the challenges of the pandemic. Then my son graduated high school and moved away to college in September 2021 which was a major challenge for me. Adjustments and change and sadness and grief ruled my world.
I don’t think we realize how much these life events move us and change us. It almost feels like giant rocks are landing in the flow of our river and we have to dodge them and move around them and the flow is never the same again. And sometimes, we just need to sit in the dammed up water for awhile to heal and take stock. That is what I have been doing and it has taken quite awhile. I gave myself the gift of time to not do a whole lot except what was necessary to function and move forward. I did not venture into anything new as I just didn’t have the capacity to do so. All I could do was feel what I was feeling in that moment whether it was fear, sadness, grief, a sense of loss, regret, or whatever.
I allowed myself to feel it and let it pass at its own pace. I did not hurry it along. I did not want it to return with a vengeance which it can do if it is not listened to. I let it all wash over me. I did all the self-care things I could to help move through all of the emotional stuff I had to process and heal from. I exercised, I meditated, I tried to eat healthy, and I rested when I needed it. Naps were a regular affair and if I could sleep late, I would. Some days I just wouldn’t get much done but I did not berate myself for that. I reached for deep forgiveness and understanding as if I was looking at myself like a child I was caring for.
I gave myself a wide berth and lots of space to be and do what was necessary. I also gave myself permission to say no to things or people or events that weren’t good in that moment. I began to have boundaries. I didn’t worry about people pleasing so much. I had no bandwidth for that anymore.
Life became a bit raw and very “back to basics.” And maybe that is exactly what needed to happen. I was doing too much, trying to be too much, and putting myself last. I began to accept myself just as I was in that moment - shower or no shower, makeup or no makeup, dishing up cereal for dinner, and taaking two naps that day. It was all ok. I accepted what I was able to give in that moment - to myself and to my family.
Then the healing began. It was slow - like a tortoise. It was one small increment of healing at a time. I might cry a little less that day or maybe I went a whole day without crying. Or maybe the heaviness in my chest was a little lighter that day. Time moved forward and slowly, the healing worked its magic. I gave myself time. I didn’t rush anything. And then, not only was I healing but I felt my soul also begin to recharge. I felt myself begin to dream about new things again. I began to have hope and feel excited about things I might accomplish some day. The dreams unfurled slowly and a little bit at a time. That was earlier this year. Yes, it took me that long.
Finally, in June 2023, I felt like actually taking baby action steps to begin my life anew. I was ready to unfurl my inner pangolin and walk into the world again. As an empath, I take a long time to heal. I just want you to know that it’s OK to take your time. It’s ok to let the healing and recharging of your soul take however much time it takes. Because I didn’t know that when you do, you end up wiser and stronger than you ever were before.